25 November 2006

battle of the cute.


okay, so perhaps this post will provide proof that i really, really, really don't want to grade the stockpile of papers piled on the couch next to me. or will it provide proof that underneath her icy cold, cold scandinavian exterior, inga hearts the kittens? of course, you could just read the post below (thanksgiving thanks) and zero in on number seventeen, but really, would that be as much fun as placing votes on the cutest. cat. ever.?

in the left corner, living happily and cattily in inga's home, we have mitzy. a former stray, she now enjoys life as a pampered indoor cat; her hobbies include torturing rye, napping in patches of sunlight, and snacking on tuna fresh from the can. on the right is ella, also formerly a stray and now enjoying the pampered life as a beloved pet of our friend definer. she knows no fear, enjoys vivian's dog food, and likes to sleep in the crook of one's knees.

let the betting commence.

charlie brown would be jealous.


so, yeah, even poor little rye, in for a holiday visit, looks depressed about the tree. uhm, so maybe i should enlist in some tree-putting-up help next year? ena suggested i take off all the ornaments, the one string of lights that works (after all the lights were put on the tree and, yes, i tested them first, working just fine for a good hour or two...half the lights died), and dismantle the tree, then line up all the branches in piles according to size and start over. i say screw that.

oh, and why a fake tree, you ask? when he was a baby, the bad brother, henceforth known as lucifer, was deathly allergic to pine/evergreen trees. true story, ena almost caused his death as a wee tot (and in those days, lucifer was actually quite lovely and bubbly and happy, so that would have been very sad) because he couldn't breath - and the source? the christmas tree, so cheerily dressed in ornaments, tinsle, and lights, that baby lucifer loved and adored. he'd sit near it and coo. and, well, have trouble breathing. so holden and i grew up with fake christmas trees, which we've actually come to love. and, really, real christmas trees? things you need to cut down, water, and string electric lights on? uh, fire hazard, anyone? imagine the horror when stella, last christmas, told me about her people's tradition of putting real live lit candles on christmas trees! alack!

no, thanks. give me fakery any day.

22 November 2006

on this pre-thanksgiving day, things i am thankful for. by inga.



1. barack obama.
2. the dems took the midterm elections.
3. spain, for being a glorious place to spend new year's.
4. being done, forever, with ol' alice.
5. holden's one year cancer free.
6. i am not this person.

7. i can once again bend at the waist.
8. i am not a turkey.
9. the genius comic stylings of chris 'ludacris' bridges.
10. tantric sex. and sting.
11. not having to eat cranberries molded in odd shapes.
12. being able to eat cranberries in their natural state.
13. the today show, this early morning, helpi
ng to preserve the career of hall n' oates.
14. scientology! it's weird. it's bizaree. it's so fun to try and figure out!
15. dvr. what better wait to procrastinate grading papers when i can watch up to 87 hours of pre-taped goodness?
16. martha stewart, for setting the bar so very high.
17. kitties!






mi casa es su casa!


here's a shout out to stella, who bought her first house this week and took possession on monday. yea, stella! welcome to the world of mortgages, home improvement, and no more shopping sprees at anthropologie!

17 November 2006

a little full of ourselves, are we?


from salon.com, a quote from the ever lovely fergie on her singing abilities: "Singing is a gift from God, and when people say I can't sing, it's kind of like insulting God."

15 November 2006

why i love the pain meds.

so last night, thanks to the prescription pain meds, i finally got a good night's sleep after five days of no sleep. it was truly magnificent. especially because i had a really kick ass dream. in this kick ass dream, a handsome young man swooped in and totally wooed me. like flowers and candy wooed me. like wanted me even though his ex-wife has the body of a goddess. it was sweet. it was sweet dream, even if i kept thinking "hmm, even though i look good for my age, i still don't look like his ex-wife - will he really not care about that?" so i know you're totally thinking, wow, inga, are you dreaming about an ex-beau who is now married? how would you know random dream guy's ex-wife is a goddess?

well. it's simple. the man of my dreams last night? not the obvious choice, becks (after all, he's still married to the posh); rather the not-really-obvious choice of chad lowe,
recently dumped by ol' swanky because of an addiction issue (or because she ran off with her manager). now, i totally get how some of you are thinking "chad? why not rob?" but remember, some of us (ie not stella - or did they discuss these kinds of things in nursery school?) remember the fond days of rob lowe and the democratic convention, you know, where he had the threesome and one of the girls was - oops - not legal? so i'll totally take chad any day. i mean, hands down - addiction over jail bait? the choice is clear.





color stella genius!

Alright, so one highlight among the many, many downsides (don't click that unless you're comfortable with your tummy-constitution) has been the presence of the wonderfully cheesy Cruz Garcia Real Sangria in the bottle. Tonight, Stella's out but craving the not-quite wine.

Where's the genius, you ask? She made her own. And it's superlicious. Ingredients?
  • Half an apple
  • Half a pear
  • A bottle of pinot noir
  • Half a bottle of Target's Archer Farms Lemon Italian Soda
  • Quarter cup of simple syrup (half sugar/half water)
  • A slosh of Grand Marnier
Over ice, it's lovely. Try it, friends!

hit and miss

oh, and way too long, but this kid's not bad.



if you've got 8 minutes to spare and don't mind zipping forward now and then, he's worth a looksie.

on why medical shows and being ill suck.

so it's been a crappy week for inga. sunday night i ended up in the local emergency room for a still unidentified all encompassing pain. because it was a sunday night and well, i'm stubborn, i decided to visit the er on my own. i mean, what better way to feel sad and pathetic than to drive yourself to the er? but i digress.

so sunday evening i found myself wrapped in ill-fitting hospital gown (inga is short; the gowns are designed for yao ming
) and on a bed in the 'alcove' er room. before you think 'oh, score! inga got a swanky er room!' let me explain: the alcove room is the space at the end of a hallway with a curtain that slides *almost* all the way across the opening. almost. so as i sat in the alcove "room," wrapped in blankets, shivering, in pain, and bored, i was privvy to the number one reason why medical shows on t.v. suck.

thanks to meredith grey, the most unsympathetic and unlikeable t.v. character ever, and her pretend t.v. doctor friends' constant shagging in supply closets, thanks to every stupid and ridiculous and fake t.v. scenario on ER, thanks to the pompous new doctor on some stupid new
3 Pounds,
thanks to essentially every t.v. doctor since marcus welby or quincy
(though, admittedly, he worked with dead people), i have no faith in any emergency room worker at all.

why? well, i spent my time in the alcove watching doctors and nurses chit chat (likely setting up a rendevous or two in the nearest closet), youngish looking boys in scrubs looking all angsty (looking for a patient with whom to score?), custodians skulking after nurses (leering? planning a kidnapping?), and i thought, crap. i hope there's nothing seriously wrong with me. it's so obvious i'm interrupting flirty-time and i bet, if i had to be rushed to surgery, i'd foil someone's attempt at sleeping with someone.

so thank goodness surgery was not required sunday night.

and here's why being ill sucks: sure, you get to stay home from work and all, but you're so miserable and grumpy, it's not even fun. i didn't watch one crappy soap opera or game show or law & order repeat. not one! what's the point of being sick if you don't even feel like bad t.v.? sheesh.

but the good news? lots of pain medicine. pain meds rock! except the one that states on the label "do NOT recline for 30 minutes after taking this product!" err, excuse me? aren't sick people supposed to recline?

don't worry

dev's far away from here. okay, so not so much far as not that close. anyhow, he's not going to be under water.

11 November 2006

bright copper kettles and crisp apple streudel.

and like raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, here are two more of my favorite things - gwen and the sound of music. rock on.

why i love video dog. by inga.

our friends over at video dog (on salon) had video of g. dub's issue with elocution (see post below), as well as comments! yea, video dog!

10 November 2006

talk about using what you're trained for

Have y'all seen this story?

My favorite line? "'Terrance was remorseful for what occurred, has told the truth about his involvement and would like everything to disappear,' said his attorney, Franklin Prince."

You'll see why when you read the article.

You couldn't make this stuff up. Unless you were South Park.

if you know me at all

you know that i am passionate about the appropriate use of the apostrophe with possessives. so is this woman, and i think she might be my new girlfriend. This is her blog post, cribbed in its entirety. Sorry:

The Supreme Court's 5-4 decision in Kansas v. Marsh revealed a deep divide over ... when to use the apostrophe-S in possessive nouns that end in S, and when to just use the apostrophe.

The majority opinion — written by Clarence Thomas and joined by John Roberts, Samuel Alito, Anthony Kennedy and Antonin Scalia — referred to Kansas' statute. In dissent, David Souter, joined by Stephen Breyer, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and John Paul Stevens, referred to Kansas's statute. Scalia wrote a separate opinion concurring with Thomas on Marsh but found a middle ground on the additional S. He wrote Kansas's, Ramos's and witness's, but Stevens', Adams' and Tibbs'.

An article at Legal Times discusses the ramifications, along with this note on usage:

By a margin of 7-2, the strict anti-s view appears to be the clear preference of the land's highest court. Yet experts on American usage overwhelmingly agree that Souter's approach is the only one that is proper. As explained by Bryan Garner, author of A Dictionary of Modern American Usage, most authorities on the subject recognize only two types of singular nouns for which it is acceptable to omit the additional s: biblical or classical names, such as Jesus, Moses, or Aristophanes, and nouns formed from plurals, such as General Motors or Legal Times. (Journalists are often more liberal in excluding the additional s, but that is typically based on the pragmatic goal of conserving print space rather than on any ideological grounds.)

and this editor's note:

Legal Times admits to following Associated Press style, which omits the s after the apostrophe in creating possessives of all singular proper names ending in s, not just biblical and classical names.

Omitting the S may be an Associated Press Stylebook thing, but it has certainly caught on, as Bill Walsh pointed out in May: When a Washington Post headline included the word Roberts's, people complained. But that's Post style; the paper bucks the AP tradition (as do the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal).

Here's the relevant rule from Garner's:

To form a singular possessive, add -'s to most singular nouns — even those ending in -s, -ss, and -x (hence Jones's, Nichols's, witness's, Vitex's).

Here's the relevant AP rule:

SINGULAR PROPER NAMES ENDING IN S: Use only an apostrophe: Achilles’ heel, Agnes’ book, Ceres’ rites, Descartes’ theories, Dickens’ novels, Euripides’ dramas, Hercules’ labors, Jesus’ life, Jules’ seat, Kansas’ schools, Moses’ law, Socrates’ life, Tennessee Williams’ plays, Xerxes’ armies.

But it looks as if the Supreme Court doesn't have an in-house stylebook to help settle these disputes. For a small fee, I'd be willing to offer my services.


I've been teaching traditional English grammar to English majors and minors, Journalism majors, Communicative Disorders majors and minors, and Education majors for years. My average class size has been around 100 each semester. Without fail, the lesson with the most vitriolic class participation is the one on apostrophes. Students are certain, CERTAIN!, that there is never an apostrophe+s after a word-final s, even after they've read the chapter telling them the truth. They argue. They rarely argue, except when we get to an example like, "We went to Tom Jones___ house for dinner." Even when we bring up the oft used plural of Jones - keeping up with the Joneses - they think I'm nuts.

It's strange. They take my word on everything else, from dangling and misplaced modifiers to vague reference to the difference between gerunds and participles. This, they think they know better.

08 November 2006

why elocution matters.

so while running errands a bit ago i had on npr, listening to the afternoon news. they were discussing nancy pelosi's suggestion that g. dub get rid of rumsfeld and how, well, rumsfeld is now gone. but then the commentators started discussing how just last week g. dub went on and on about how cheney and rumsfeld would be with him til the end of his term, they'd be around at least two more years.

which, of course, isn't true, as rums is now gone. but now g. dub is now saying that even last week he was already having doubts about whether or not rums would remain with him

so the commentators then played a sound bite of a reporter asking bush today why he said last week rums would be with him for another two years and g. dub says well, he didn't really mean it, but since last week the reporters kept asking him if rums would be around and it was obviously during a push for the election, rather than get the reporters going on about the fact that he was maybe thinking rums wouldn't be around, he thought it was better to just say that rums would be around, when he was pretty sure he wouldn't be so that the focus would stay where it needed to be, on the election, and, and, and.

so the president thinks it's better to lie?

and then g. dub went on to say that the gop really took a thumpin'. and he thinks the race delay had to drop out of was due to republicans not knowing who to vote for in delay's absence rather than on iraq. g. dub went on to say he felt like secretary of state, "telling folks down in houston and sugarland to take a pencil, see, go in to vote, and write in a name" - so because republicans didn't know how to add a write-in candidate, they lost.

huh.


seriously, who taught this man to speak?

back to the important things.

so faith hill is now insisting she was kidding! it was a joke! she totally would never, ever offend fellow country crooner, ever, no matter that it was carrie underwood! she jokes!

she obviously has been spending too much time with mel gibson, who also jokes, but about less important things, like flinging inflamatory phrases left and right!

but, hey, at least britney has wised up.

the good times are a-rollin'.

so moments ago it turns out we got montana...and now this? what? is it my birthday? what next? virginia?

ballot provisions redux

A brief rundown of the rest of what y'all voted on yesterday.

Ban same-sex marriage: 7/8 (Colorado, Idaho, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Virginia, Wisconsin; Arizona's around 50/50, leaning towards "no" on the ban.)

Restrict affirmative action: 1/1 (Michigan)

"No" on recognizing domestic partnership: 1/1 (Colorado)

Establish English as official state language: 1/1 (Arizona; this brings the total number of states with English as official language to 27) Is it ironic that so many of the states with the ban are traditionally "states' rights" states? The framers resisted establishing an official language on the grounds that it would be an inappropriate control by government of people's individual liberties. Typical. Xenophobia always wins out over personal beliefs, doesn't it?

On the plus side?

Raise minimum wage - 6/6 (Arizona, Colorado, Missouri, Montana, Nevada, Ohio) By the way, "The inflation-adjusted value of the minimum wage is 30% lower in 2006 than it was in 1979." And working full time on minimum wage earns you $10,712 annually.

"No" on abortion ban - 1/1 (South Dakota)

07 November 2006

from the inga-needs-new-glasses department (though not as good as the camel on the roadside story)

driving to the night class last night, i passed by this place that i almost caused an accident to do a double-looks-see at - a child care place with a huge sign above the windows that - on first glance - read "tot rot" but, in the almost-crashed glance back, was revealed to say "tot tyme."

what does this say about inga's state of mind lately?

how to directions for the drive thru at starbucks.

Really, this applies to both those drivin' through and those servin' those drivin' through.

a. the drive thru line, mr. late model corvette, is not the place for flirting with your window-barrista. after you're handed your drink through the window, do not, i repeat, do not shift your car into neutral, lean over your window frame, and flirt. changes are i am in line behind you and a little pissy, getting pissier by the minute, while you get your flirt on.

b. if you need to flirt with the barrista, please park your car and go inside. the drive thru really should be for people who, uh, need to drive through because we specifically don't have time to flirt with the barrista.

c. to the barristas - please, please, please curb the enthusiastic compliments. they're getting old and, frankly, a little forced sounding. for example, last night, en route to the night class i teach, the barrista appeared at the drive thru window, did a totally exagerrated double-take and exclaimed, "oh, my god! that is such a cute car!" now it's true. my car is cute as a bug. but seriously. this follows the compliment of a week ago of a really super excited barrista who, upon handing me my drink, exclaimed, "oh, my god! that sweater looks so soft!" that, too, was true, but also a little creepy. i do not want my barrista feeling my sweater.

d. also to the barristas - no matter how many times you try and correct me by repeating my order back with your stupid cup sizes in place my correct word usage, i will not order a tall skim latter. it's small. the cup is tiny. we're at a chain coffee store. come on already.

it's the hot new thing

Apparently, being an asshole at awards shows is THE cool new thing to do.

Pay attention to Faith Hill (she's labelled for those of us who don't pay attention to flaky country music "sangers") when she loses the award for Female Vocalist of the Year at the Country Music Awards last night to Carrie Underwood:



So much for the squeaky clean, Jesus-lovin', never-unsmiling fa(r)ce she's known for wearing. After 20 years in the spotlight, don't you KNOW when the camera's on you? Don't you know how live tv works?

Dummy.

06 November 2006

Huh?

Random bits from the weekend.

1) hey, Stel, how'd you like my boyfriend Obama?
2) is it just me or is the timing with the whole Saddam-death-penalty kind of mid-term election stinky?
3) season one of veronica mars rocks.
4) grading 5,231 papers in one weekend is almost as bad as writing 7,000 words on alice adams.
5) butternut squash and leek soup = delish, esp. when inga manages to make it and blend it w/out ending up in the emergency room, though truthfully? i could have used the morphene this weekend.
6) since when does baby fine, stick straight hair require a straightening rod? seriously - i got a hair cut this weekend at a pretty swank salon (hello my fair friend the bob cut!). hair lady was blow drying the new 'do. then, as she admires her handy work, says, "have you ever used a straightening rod?"

uhm, those of you who are familiar with inga's hair, think about that. i mean, why use a tool to straighten, uhm, very straight hair?

i'm confused. comments? explanations?

7) brothers and sisters is so well written! plus it has my boyfriend balthazar!
8) the time change is still screwing with my head.
9) remember, vote tomorrow if you can! sniffle, poor stella, feel all left out?

04 November 2006

he want recount! he want recount!

What a whiny bitch.

And now with video:



Turns out that, when he didn't win Video of the Year at the MTV Europe Music Awards, Kanye West stormed the stage, took the mic away from the winners - Justice and Simian - and launched a four-letter-word-filled tirade that he should have won because his video cost a million bucks and "had Pamela Anderson in it."

At what point does one feel such a sense of entitlement that it becomes alright to trample all over what might be one of the most important moments for other musicians? I can respect West's standing up for what he believes when he tells us that "George Bush doesn't care about black people" in the wake of Katrina. I can respect his calling attention to the blood diamond trade in his music videos. I'm left wondering, however, whether any of his bling is diamond-based despite his awareness that African children are enslaved and murdered by the ditchfulls for those shiny rocks. I cannot respect a whining, self-aggrandizing blowhard shitting on the accomplishments of other people in his field.

Can we take this event as a bouillion of American foreign policies and attitudes about American entitlement in the face of sovereign nations? Hmm.

03 November 2006

please, please say you have

have any of you seen the departed?

if so, what'd you think? analysis?

file under "never want to hear again"

the phrase and variations thereof "bring the sexy back."

signs of the end

Getting ready for work this morning, I heard this from the telly:

"Well, for one thing, jump is a verb. You can't go wrong with a positive verb."

Context? David Lee Roth explaining the popularity of Van Halen's "Jump."

At least he paid attention in grammar class. When he wasn't busy being bound by the wrists and by his leather pants.



By the way, here is DLR's Wikipedia entry. How much do you wanna bet that he wrote it himself?

02 November 2006

czhnnnch

you know that just-drunk enough feeling where everything's totally hilarious?

yeah, me too. ha!

we'll do well at this, won't we, stella?

finally, the good news we've all been waiting for. thanks to an intrepid reader who likes to scour the papers. shall we share a bottle tonight?

01 November 2006

one place you'd like predictability

One of the weirdest things about Japan is the toilets. On the one hand, some places had these incredibly sophisticated, high-tech toilets with heated seats and rinsing sprays and bidets and self-lifting lids and sounds to cover potentially embarrassing backside noises. The control mechanism for one of these fancy toilets on the opposite wall from the toilet is here:



On the other hand, there's this:



Oh, and at one hotel, our toilet had a sticker on the tank with instructions for using the lids. Illustrated diagram of both-lids-up-to-stand, one-lid-up/one-lid-down-to-sit. No shitting. Figuratively speaking, of course.

Also, many public potties have no paper products in them whatsoever. Moral of the story? Carry tissues.

can you really plan something like this?

once again, per agatha, the daily weird.